Christmas Classics? Bah Humbug

Happy Holidays!

It really is the most wonderful time of the year, isn't it? People are nicer, commutes are easier, and we're all pretending the brutal, interminable chill of January and February will never happen. Yay! Christmas!

One of my (and maybe your?) favorite things about the holiday season is the Christmas classics. Frosty the Snowman, Rudolph, the Grinch. I have fond memories of cold nights, hot chocolate with plump marshmallows, and hearts growing three sizes.

As I've gotten older, these classics aren't really must-see TV anymore. Sure, if I'm home with my mom and sister for the holiday, we might relive a half hour of magic, but mostly, I've moved on. That is, until it was time to introduce them to my own children. And this year, with Annabelle at the ripe old age of 3, I couldn't wait to share the joy.

It, um, didn't go well.

Maybe it's because she is too young. Maybe it's because I sold them too hard. Maybe it's because these classics are a little (or a lot) stranger than I remember. Here's how three attempts went down:

Attempt #1: The Grinch Who Stole Christmas: Obviously, I'm talking about the cartoon. That creepy Jim Carrey-led abomination has no place in this house. Ever. Anyway, Bridget was putting Belle to bed one night last week and I flipped on the TV. I saw that this delightful Dr. Seuss tale was just starting. Like any 3-year-old, Belle loves any excuse to stay up, so she was more than happy for me to rush her downstairs to visit Whoville. Three minutes later, as the Grinch started plotting the end of Christmas with Max, Annabelle said, "Daddy, I don't like this." "What's not to like?" I replied. "It's the Grinch!" She thought about it. And then thought some more. And then she thought of something she hadn't before ... Just kidding. As soon as the Grinch threw Max over the sleigh and it nearly fell on the poor dog's head, we were on our way back upstairs. Attempt #1: Fail.

Attempt #2: Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer: It's tough to catch these classics on live TV, but the world of Hulu, Netflix, and YouTube make life a lot easier. Last Sunday afternoon, after my fantasy football team let me down, we decided to give this claymation classic a shot. We lasted a few more minutes than we did on Attempt #1, but that was about it. The problem? Rudolph's Dad. And, frankly, Santa. They're jerks until the end of the hour and little girls don't like jerks. "Let's watch Frosty," she said. Attempt #2: Fail.

Attempt #3: Frosty the Snowman: This was a disaster from the first 30 seconds. The kids are wearing totally weather-inappropriate outfits (not a good example for a girl who hates wearing a coat) and the magician with the enormous chin is just a dick. "I don't like him," Annabelle said. Neither do I, Annabelle. Neither do I. Click. Attempt #3: Fail.

Sure, I might reintroduce these classics in a year or two, but to be honest, I'm in no hurry. So what's the solution? Right now, there are two:

1. The Snowy Day, a new special on Amazon based on the book by Ezra Jack Keats. Laurence Fishburne, Boyz II Men, and a plot line that promotes diversity and inclusion? Yes, please. If you have little ones, this is well worth the 38 minutes.

2. Snowflake Day, Season 4, Episode 5 of Daniel Tiger. No matter the question, with a 3-year-old, Daniel Tiger is almost always the answer. We've watched this no fewer than 75 times in the last three months. And, I tell ya, Daniel saves that damn play every time.

If you know of other (good) holiday episodes aimed at little ones, I'm all ears.

And if you've made it this far, thanks for reading. I've really enjoyed writing this blog for the past few months and look forward to sharing more stories about our two little roses in 2017. Have a great holiday!