Discussing Tuesday's Election with a 3-Year-Old

"Do bad guys win sometimes?"

It was one of those moments when you could see the words physically leaving someone's mouth. Together, the five words and the question mark hung in the air. For a while.

As far as conversations with 3-year-olds go, this was pretty deep. Sure, we talk about "good choices" and "bad choices," about right from wrong, and about the importance of preseason college basketball rankings, but this was a new category. Deep, important, lasting.

Like most everyone who reads this blog (I suspect), Tuesday night wasn't what our house expected. What seemed like certain victory around 6 turned into doubt by 8, disbelief by 10, and sleep-stopping anxiety by 12. We woke up early on Wednesday in a hazy stew of uncertainty, anger, and sadness.

Annabelle, on the other hand, woke up with a smile, concerned mostly about what dress she was wearing that day. (That, you may know, is a typical conversation in our house.) She and I had talked a little about the election (Tuesday, on Facebook, I shared Annabelle's somewhat guided sentiments: "Trump's a bad guy), but she's 3 and we're still working on learning the days of the week.

"Is it Tuesday?" No. "Thursday?" No. What's in between Tuesday and Thursday. "Tuesday ...?"

Anyway, Bridget and I told Annabelle that Trump won and Hillary lost, but it didn't seem to affect her much. Why would it? After all, she's 3. But that's the tricky thing about dealing with a 3-year-old. You really don't know what is going to stick. For example, putting her shoes away when she gets home just isn't happening despite 181 (and counting) reminders. But her "bad choice" of coloring on a chair with a pen has stayed with her for more than a year.

So, I thought we needed to talk more about Tuesday and what had happened. Annabelle put on a somewhat fancy princess dress, gathered her favorite pink wand, and we, along with Aurora, headed out for a walk to our local bakery. (Annabelle, by the way, really likes cookies.)

We brought the double stroller, but, as usual, Annabelle wanted to ride on my shoulders. It hurts my neck sometimes, but, like any Dad, I'd let her ride on my shoulders while I ran a marathon if she wanted.

"So, Annabelle. The election was last night and Trump won. That means Hillary lost. That's why Mom and I are a little sad today."

Annabelle: "Did we vote for Hillary?"

"Yes."

Annabelle: "Then why did she lose?"

"Well, because more people voted for Trump. Actually, that's not quite true, there's this thing called the Electoral College ... let's just keep it simple, yes, more people voted for Trump. So he won. That's how elections work. But, listen, you have nothing to worry about, princess."

We walked into the library to return a couple books and the conversation drifted to other things. We played a riveting game of "I spy with my little eye," made faces at her sister, and argued about the best episode of Doc McStuffins. (Ben/Anna Split is the obvious answer.) She used her wand to spread some magic dust on her sister and point to her favorite trees.

We passed the town hall where we voted the week before, which triggered a memory for Annabelle.

Annabelle: "Why did Trump win? I want Hillary to be President."

"More people voted for Trump, hun ..."

Now, I'm not suggesting that she really understands what happened. She doesn't know the difference between Trump and Hillary, Democrat and Republican, or the economy and climate change. (For parents who have children that do know those differences, I'm sure this was a very difficult week.) But this seemed like a good opportunity to explain to Annabelle that A) you don't always get your way in life and B) only you can control your reaction to that disappointment.

We gathered some treats at the bakery and headed down the hill for home, with our cookies, wand, and Bridget's ice coffee (a requirement) in the top of the stroller. I asked Annabelle if she wanted to talk any more about Trump and Hillary.

Annabelle: "I don't like Trump. He's a bad guy."

"Yeah, I mean. He's said some bad things. He doesn't seem very kind or empathetic, does he?"

Annabelle: "No. But bad guys win sometimes. Is that right, Daddy? Do bad guys win sometimes?"

After several thoughtful seconds, I answered.

"Yes. But good guys, and good girls, win sometimes, too. That's just how it works. All we can do is try our best, be nice to other people, and things have a way of working themselves out. We didn't vote for Trump, but lots of people did and we need to try and understand why so we can move forward together."

I was afraid I'd lost her. "Does that make sense, Annabelle?"

Annabelle: "Yes. Okay, wand, please."

"What?"

Annabelle: "Wand, please." She pointed at the wand in the stroller.

"Here you go, princess. I love you."

That was the end of the election discussion. And that was just fine. Quite frankly, I would much rather talk about wands anyway.